I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my shit smells like andre
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
