dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
