dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
