Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
