You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
