Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
