i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize