he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize