Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
