:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
