I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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