their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
