Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
