Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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