i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
