3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
