I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
