I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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