I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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