No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My life is pants optional.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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