Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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