i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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