There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
