thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize