my sisters under your porch take her home
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
