just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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