All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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