Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
