I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
