Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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