What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
