Small penises have feelings too.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
