i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
