I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
