Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
