I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
