he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
