Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
