Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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