it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
