I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
