Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
