We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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