I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
