I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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