I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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