ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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