My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
tell me about the fingering
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