I must be too annoying 4 u.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
