i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
