Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
