If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
