I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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