Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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