i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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