We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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