babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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