I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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