We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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