I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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