the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
