is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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