my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My ass is underappreciated
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
