I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
