at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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