I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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