I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
