We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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