my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
