bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
