We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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