Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
