If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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