I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
