Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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