Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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