tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
